ankur Warikoo

Saying no to someone is supremely hard.

We are hard wired to belong – to a tribe, a community, a group.
And in the past saying no meant isolation. Perhaps even death.

And while saying no nowadays mostly doesn't come with a death certificate, the habit has stayed.

If I say no – I will not belong. I will hurt the person. A negative image of mine will be created.

Here is a reminder

When you say no – you say no to the request, not to the person.

True grace is refusing someone in a way they don't feel rejected

Here are the 3 states for a potential customer

• Yes, I want your product/service
• Maybe
• No, I don’t want your product/service

Unfortunately, most sales people will rank these 3 states (in terms or desired outcome for them) as

1. Yes
2. Maybe
3. No

When in my opinion, after a yes, the most desired outcome for any sales outfit should be

NO! 

We don’t need your services right now 

We don’t think you are right for the job

We already have something similar working for us

No, we can’t work with you for now 

But we have been trained to not take no for an answer. Keep perusing.

Doesn’t work anymore

The best gift you can give yourself is to be so good that you get a yes or a no, right away.

“Maybe” is this false sense of hope.

Can I meet you in person to explain in more detail? 

Can we give you a free trial instead to see if it changes your mind?

Can I explain the benefits once more

All in hope!

The hit rate of this approach is far far lesser than if you were to come back with a fresh new product/service for the same customer or pursue new customers.

Because sales organizations are so poor at accepting a no, customers are incentivized to keep lying and give this false sense of hope.

Imagine the total value of all hot, warm and cold leads in the sales funnels of the world today

And the waste of human effort that goes into pursuing it.

As a sales professional, learn how to take NO as a closure.

A sign to move on. To improve the product or sell the same product to someone else.

And as a customer, force yourself to say no as soon as you realize it.

Don’t linger

Reaching out to the same customer with the same product everyday and expecting a yes from a maybe, is insanity! 

Step 1

Advice is what you seek when you know the answer but you wish you didn’t. 

All of you have choices when taking decisions.

And one of those choices is our preferred one.

We know of it.

If we were to toss a coin, we would find ourselves wishing for that option’s side to show up.

So stop lying and identify the choice that you wish to go for

Step 2 

Humans tend to overestimate the pain we feel and underestimate the happiness we experience

Once you have identified the choice, imagine yourself going for the choice

And imagine the worst case scenario once you have taken the choice

The worst possible scenario that you could find yourself in

Step 3

Getting comfortable with your loss is far more valuable than getting excited about your gains

See if you can make yourself comfortable with the worst case scenario

Do not try to mitigate it. That destroys the logic.

Instead assume the worst will happen and then see how would you feel, how would you react

If you find yourself ok with this scenario, go for it.

Else, the other option it is.

As humans, we tend to calm down a lot more if we are aware of the worst, than if we dream about the best!  

Blue pill: 

Restart your life 10 years back, with all the knowledge you know today 

Red pill: 

Fast forward to 50 years with $10Mn in your bank account 

People judge you based on the choice you make. Rarely questioning why you made the choice. 

You could realize you haven’t learnt enough, and thus the red pill. 

Or even with what you know you won’t be able to get to $10mn by 50 and thus the red pill. 

You could realize $10Mn is nothing for you at 50 and you want a shot at more. Thus the blue pill. 

Or the journey is more important to you than the destination and thus the blue pill. 

The pill you take doesn’t define you. The reason does 

The decisions you take in life don’t define you. The reasons behind those decisions do. 

Here is a random prediction 

There are more meaningless “I love you” being spoken as of this moment, than all meaningful and meaningless “I need help” 

People don’t seek help. 

From other people. From books. From videos. From content. From life. 

There is a misplaced sense of pride that stops them

Pride will make you afraid.

Pride will make you feel powerful when you are not. 

Pride will force you to not learn. 

Pride will ask you to not ask. 

For help. 

Everytime I pretend to be smart and in control, I learn nothing. 

Every time I ask (for help), I learn a lot. 

Every time I say “I need help” someone helps.

I just don’t say it too often

Pride has left more people alone, than loneliness ever will. 

Every professional team is characterized by 2 core aspects 

Knowledge (/skills) and values 

And through this you can create a management consultant’s dream tool – a 2×2 matrix 

So there are 4 kinds of people who could be on your team 

1. Don’t have the same knowledge and don’t share the same values 

These are usually not part of the team. Even if they creep in, they are easy to find and get picked out. 

2. Have the same knowledge and share the same values

As rare as they are, these are the ones that truly move organizations forward. These are the team members everyone craves for 

3. Have the same knowledge but don’t share the same values

Super super dangerous. Because here is the deal about knowledge and values 

Knowledge is acquired 

Values are adopted 

And the minute one of the team members acquires more knowledge than the other, the gap in values makes this knowledge gap even harsher. To the point that it can’t be even explained. 

I can’t code better than you but I will steal code to make myself better 

I am a better sales guy than you and I will bribe my customers to always stay ahead 

I am better with people than you are, so I will manipulate them to agree to me 

4. Don’t have the same knowledge but share the same values 

The tribe you should be looking for.

The way all hiring should be done 

The quadrant based on which teams should be built 

I can’t code better than you so I would love for you to review my code for me 

I am a better sales person than you, so come along and we will close together

I am better with people than you are – let me tell you how 

I am not as good as you, but I will seek your help to become better 

From now on, whenever you meet your colleagues, question which quadrant do you fall in 

And ask yourself, what can I do, if at all, to move us to the quadrant of same knowledge and values. 

If you can’t, then move yourself or the person out of the team! 

Here are 3 predictions for the future 

1. People entering the workforce today will most likely never die (from natural causes). Some of them might move to Mars
2. In a decade or so, we will be hiring computers with the right culture. Do they speak the language we speak and operate by values we live by
3. Humans will cease to exist on payroll. Talent will become on demand and officespace as a concept will become obsolete 

So if your job today has a low probability of fuck up or the impact of your fuck up is non material – get out of that job! 

Now!

Because these are the first jobs that will be taken away

In the future, humans will do jobs that are extremely prone to fuck ups. That requires a human to take a call. Despite limited data, through emotions, gut, analysis. Matched with the ability to imagine the future. 

It’s called judgement, today 

It will be called “being human” tomorrow 

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I was interacting with a bunch of ISB admits for the next batch. All high IQ, academic achievers who will spend 2 years working before joining ISB. 

Understandably all of them had questions around – does ISB help in the long term, will it help beyond consulting, will it help in international positions, is it going to help shift industries 

I answered most of these to the best of my knowledge

And then I told them – consider this possibility – there is a VERY HIGH CHANCE that none of you will ever die. 

You will not die a natural death. 

There is enough advancement happening, and at a crazy pace, that within your lifetimes we will figure out a way to not let the cells die

There is also a very high chance that some of you may live on Mars 

Now ask these questions again! 

We all get so consumed by the short term, by the immediate, by the urgent – that we fail to appreciate what lies ahead 

And how most of what we are doing have little or no bearing on how our life will pan itself out 

Heck, if we were to never die and live on Mars, even the definition of long term acquires a new meaning. 

Ask yourself – how can a decision that you take when you are in your 20s going to have any material impact if you are to live beyond 100 

And then ask yourself – what questions should I ask, for a life that is never going to end?

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail

What a fucked up quote! 

It’s impossible to not fail. 

Not everything that you make will have the world submit itself and hail you as their king. 

Not every product you make will be loved 

Not every test you take will have you score the highest or succeed

Not every person you love will love you back equally 

Not every step you take will always be in the right direction 

It’s utterly foolish, almost irresponsible to suggest this 

Because here is the deal 

We don’t fear failing 

We fear people 

We fear their reactions 

And we fear how we will feel once we witness those reactions 

We fear shame

We fear ego

We fear being banished

We fear being laughed at 

We fear not getting another chance to win

What would you attempt to do if you knew no one would react if you failed 

Being a manager is hard work. 

Seriously hard work. 

You have to manage your team, achieve goals, manage expectations, communicate bad news, spend time on hiring, retaining, motivating, firing. 

It is seriously hard work

Yet somehow, everyone wishes to become one. 

There is something appealing about being a manager. Being called a manager. 

And with being a manager comes higher responsibility. 

A bigger team to manage

A bigger area to control

More decision making powers

More influence

A bigger span of influence 

And everyday, I see people seeking this influence. 

Asking for more and more responsibility

For bigger teams 

For more control

Rarely, do I find people asking for more accountability 

Make me accountable for a bigger goal

Make me accountable for a larger purpose 

Make me accountable for higher target 

Make me accountable for the development of my team and my own learning 

The next time you ask for a raise or a promotion, ask yourself why didn’t you instead ask for a higher target instead? 

Managers seek more and more responsibility for themselves. Leaders demand more and more accountability for themselves 

Our lives are shaped up by our perspective. 

Our childhood memories

Our value system 

Our friends and family 

Our experiences 

Our conversations 

Our media 

Our governments

Over time, all these help establish the perspective. The frame of reference against which we see ourselves everyday. 

And we come to accept it as our own. 

To the point where our path to success has been verified by only one person out there 

Ourselves! 

Suddenly, the biggest threat to our success becomes the perspective of other people 

How do they see the world differently. The very same world. 

We don’t want to change our path to success. We don’t want to mix it up. What if it messes up the chances. What if it’s rejected by my mind. What if it isn’t what I agree with? 

And yet, time and again, people who have opened up their minds to wider perspectives, are the ones we admire and adore. 

Don’t let anyone else define success or failure for you. But hear them define it for themselves. That might influence your definition. 

Most advertising is about “launches”

Here is our new product 

We have raised funding 

This is what we are going to do 

This is who we are

This is what the future looks like 

Time and money worth Billions of dollars is invested, everyday for such advertising speak 

There is another form of advertising, far cheaper and far more effective. 

The one that happens once the job is done. 

The one which isn’t about what you are going to do, rather what you have achieved. 

Ironically, such advertisement is most often not sponsored by you. It’s crowdfunded. 

We did it > We will do it 

Let the outcome of your actions become your advertisement, instead of the initiation of your actions. 

In response to a question on Quora, I recalled 3 things that I learnt in my first ever job

While the first one was almost an instant realization, the second and third were formed over years and has taken time to transform from a hypothesis to a theorem 

It’s been over 13 years, and it still holds true

If you do what everyone else is doing, you will end up being what everyone else is. To rise above everyone, you have to do things differently

Your manager has a far bigger role to play in your learning than the leadership

Your leadership has a far bigger role to play in the culture of the company than your manager

One of my favorite interview questions is “do you like starting things or finishing things?”

Almost 80% people like to start things. Shouldn’t come as a surprise though. 

Finishing is much harder. 

Finishing that project requires a lot more than starting it 

Driving a conclusion requires a lot more than initiating the discussion meeting 

Making the product work requires a lot more than starting to code the product

Building an organization where people love to come to work requires a lot more than hiring people 

Starting projects is what people do a lot more than completing them 

But thoughts work very differently 

Thinking never truly finishes. And hence, it’s the beginning that’s the hardest. 

Taking the first step to imagine, to listen, to comprehend, to think – is super super hard 

Once you have imagined or reimagined a thought – converting it into action is a unique path you will define, sooner than later (repeat – starting a task is easier than finishing it) 

The key then is – to start a thought 

I have been given some very valuable, gracious feedback on how this blog is a thought starter. 

They think it’s because I am experienced and am living through these emotions before most. 

I know it’s a thought starter because I keep it simple. 

The goal is NOT to define the path, not to be a self help book, but to plant thoughts and ideas. 

To just write in simple language what I thought of a certain situation in my life. 

No fancy words, no complex models, no fancy theorems, no patents filed! 

I am no intellectual. And I don’t pretend to be one. 

But when I read super insightful material written in a manner that only a few people can comprehend, I wish even the intellectuals didnt think of themselves as one. 

Ironically, our need to maintain our intellectual status ends up alienating the same people we wish to change

You get up every morning 

You show up

You slog it out 

You do the right things

You work really really hard

Don’t cheat, don’t steal, don’t beg, don’t lie

Here is the honest truth – people don’t care

The world doesn’t owe you it’s time just because you do the right thing the right way

The world owes you it’s time only because you have made it worth it for them 

Back in the Stone Age, the basic instinct was to survive. From animals, nature, any possible danger. 

Our brains were constantly working. Doing an almost great job of telling us when we need to watch out. 

I am assuming this single trait allowed us to survive through billions of years and “evolve” 

“Unfortunately” the brain has evolved much better than we might have expected.

It still works well to remind us of the danger ahead. What might hurt us. 

But the nature of that danger has changed. It’s not physical as much as it is emotional. It’s not arrows and spears and stones as much as it is words and feelings. 

The brain, everyday, is telling us not to do things that will be dangerous for us

Don’t ask that question. The world will make you feel stupid 

Don’t quit that job. You will lose social reputation 

Don’t wake up. Sleep will give you the needed rest

Don’t say you love her. It will make you vulnerable 

Don’t take that unpopular decision. People will not like you anymore. 

Overtime, dangers to mankind have reduced considerably. We are not threatened by extinction everyday nor do we think we might not return home at the end of the day. 

However overtime, our feelings that the brain manifests as danger, have taken over our actions.

What hasn’t changed though is – who in the tribe wins. 

The one that wins over the danger

And the danger today is our brain telling us to get comfortable. 

Nothing changes your life in 30 seconds 

Don’t fall for the trap, the easy diet, the short cut, the motivational video, the click bait, the pretty face, the higher pay. 

What will it take to be successful?

It will take everything! 

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Email from a colleague that’s moving on 

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I am an eternal optimist. People who know me well call me the irrational optimist. 

It’s my belief that the future is always beautiful. Tomorrow is always better than today. 

The operating word I chose to describe the future is better. 

It will be bigger. It will bring in more gratification. It will make you a more aware, a more experienced individual. It will bring peace, a sense of accomplshement or achievement. 

Unfortunately, most of us use the wrong operating word to describe the future. 

Easier 

Tomorrow will be easier than today 

Come to think of it – we have been raised this. 

Study tomorrow so that tomorrow is better (easier, is what they were hinting towards) 

Finish your education before so that you can depend on it tomorrow (education will make the future easier) 

Work hard in your 20s and 30s so that 40s are better (easier again) 

Instead, how about realizing the only truth of life 

Tomorrow is not going to be easier. It will be better, at best. 

And if that’s the case, the right question to ask is not if you are excited about the future. 

Instead,

Are you prepared for the future? 

Debt is largely a misunderstood financial instrument, especially at a consumer level. Somehow taking debt is not considered being financial prudent. While there is enough literature to suggest that debt can be a fantastic lever for growth, if managed well. 

Reason it carries a bad reputation is because of all the horror stories when the debt cannot be serviced. You can lose everything you had, because the debt providers have the first right to your property. 

But the normal world, where debt is serviced well everyday and individuals gain from this debt, largely goes unnoticed. Because hey, it’s the normal. 

There is another kind of debt servicing that rarely talked about. And I consider sheer evil. 

Emotional debt

Debt that we take on our head. Either by choice, or artificially planted. 

There is a fancy name for that too. Emotional blackmail. 

It’s debt, at the end of it. 

Because you tell yourself, irrespective of my situation and my need, I need to service this debt first. 

I cannot leave this job, because I had promised my boss I will stay

I cannot go back to work, because I had promised my kids I would be around 

I cannot take this decision, because it will betray the trust you have in me

I have to tell you how much I love you, and care for you, before I express my love for anything else

I have to fulfill my destiny here, before I fulfill it somewhere else 

Emotional debt is an intangible. It doesn’t exist. We created it. And we allowed it to grow. Because we don’t pay for it everyday. We accumulate interest for that one day when we will repay back the debt in all. 

And this fucks up our judgement. 

Here is what helps

Treating emotional debt as financial debt 

Take it only when you need it 

Pay it in monthly installments

Emotional debt has killed more people than financial debt ever will.